My journey with Maggie began at 9am on March 3, 2021. I had flown to Morristown, New Jersey two weeks prior to our meeting and had quarantined per Seeing Eye’s and CDC requirements in a local hotel. Half way through my stay, I changed rooms due to the furnace in my original hotel room malfunctioning. Lifting a suitcase from the floor to the bed, I pulled my back out. Bummed, I hoped this little setback would be over by the time I went to school. Lesson learned, take everything out before lifting!

Monday, March 1st, Nicole (my instructor) picked me and my two suitcases up from my lodgings and brought me to the Seeing Eye. I prayed for a trainer who would be experienced and would give me a magnificent match. On the drive, I learned that not only did she work for the Seeing Eye for the past 13 years, that Nicole also trained dogs on the side. Yay, that sounded perfect! Nicole also confided that the night before class, she had to put her own dog down. In that first fifteen minutes, we connected on an emotional level and on a spiritual one as well.

Climbing out of the car, I heard the warm-laughing voices of Lori and Angela from the admission’s department. “hello Gail, nice to see you again!” With precision, the nurse glided her thermometer across my forehead. Approved, we entered the familiar mahogany-wooden-double-front doors. Being there five times before, I felt home again. Nicole walked me down the hall and showed me where I’d be living for the next 18 days. I enjoyed arriving at school early. In the past, I flew in from Denver International Airport, and arrived just in time for dinner. Now, I could leisurely unpack, take the refresher tour of the building, have lunch, and then take the first of many Juno walks with Nicole.

Over the next day and a half, Nicole held the harness of a phantom dog in her right hand and had me take the U-shaped handle in my left hand. She then walked at various paces, pulled the harness at different strengths, and had me give mild and hard leash corrections. All the while, she asked about my previous dogs, experiences, and current life style and living conditions. Did I live in the city or country? Were there many dogs in my neighborhood? Did I travel a lot or sit behind a desk all day? These questions and walks were essential for ensuring an impeccable match.

While Nicole assessed my needs for a new guide dog, (in my spare time) I continued stretching and exercising. Being at the school and training with these miraculous dogs was always rigorous; walking 2 – 4 miles a day at 3.5 miles per hour. I was prepared. I had been exercising for months in my apartment building with the treadmill, elliptical, and stationary bike, taking exercise classes online, and stretching. I felt excited and ready to go. This would be my sixth Seeing Eye dog. I had been waiting for this dog for twenty-two months and couldn’t wait to start our lives together. Each one of my previous Seeing Eye dogs – Gretel, Lorraine, Kamber, Vinnie, and Sarge – had provided me with independence, freedom, and dignity unlike any other person or cane could give me. I wondered what adventures this new guide and I would share together?

That Wednesday morning, after she had been bathed and taken outside, Maggie bounced into my room at the end of Nicole’s leash full of excitement. Maggie was 100% golden, 52 pounds, 21 and ½ inches high at the shoulders, and 28-months old. Her birthday was November 15, 2018. She was a caramel color and when outside, our hair looked the same. Her chest and tummy were cream as well as her feet. I took the leash from Nicole’s hand and followed Maggie around the room as she checked out her favorite items-food container, water dish place, and crate! Patience and praise being the keys for the bonding and first day, I let Maggie explore. For 45 minutes she walked/ran around the room. I could almost hear her think, “Hmm, this is the small refrigerator, boring. Window, boring. Dresser, bed, desk, boring, boring, boring. Nothing here that is interesting. I don’t know about this woman on the other end of my leash. Where’s Nicole, my “mom” that’s who I want! And, where are all my dog pals anyway?”

At last, when Maggie stopped pacing, she stood stock-still panting in front of me. She didn’t move a muscle, she seemed to replicate a 52-pound golden statue. She didn’t lie down nor did she sit. Maggie reminded me of what I imagined a cow would look like standing in the fields. After a long while, she turned and pressed her head into my legs and remained there planted; allowing me to pet her soft head and ears. We needed to build up our trust. I wanted and longed to feel her entire golden soft body; however, that would have to wait. She’d come around in time.

After a bit, Nicole returned and I (with Nicole’s watchful guiding presence) heeled Maggie to the dining room, for this would be Maggie’s first excursion into a real situation. There would be ten other dogs and students here for lunch, and Maggie would need to mind her Ps and Qs.

Our first day together was rememberable. Maggie went outside and relieved herself within two minutes. “Thank you, God,” there wouldn’t be much standing out in the cold for me, woohoo! Maggie was full of energy or “Piss and ginger” as my grandfather would say, and had no desire to mind her Ps and Qs at lunch. She ran out of my hands and across the dining room not once, but twice before I could grab her. The trainers had to catch her and bring her back to me before at last, I could settle Maggie under the table. Later, we walked in Morristown with Nicole holding onto a six-foot leash to ensure that Maggie would stop for the curves. Maggie wasn’t used to me, and we had to pass the reins with care from Nicole to me. At her dinner time, she wiggled her way out of her canvas crate when I unzipped the zipper, and ran across the room and tried (before I seized her) to gobble her dinner. And, at my own dinnertime, she wouldn’t lie down under the table unless Nicole made her. I bet I had her go “down” 50 times. I was the last person to finish my meal and leave the dining room. in time, she’d realize that I was her mom, and all would be well.

With my mind on Maggie, not on me, at that same meal, I, by accident, swallowed 15 thyroid pills with my supplements. Earlier, I had moved the thyroid pills out of the original container in order to use that one to transport supplements to the dining room. I forgot my new system, and added my supplements to the mix. Then, as Maggie was feeling her oats, I filled my mouth with water (per usual) and poured my supplements and thyroid pills together into my mouth in one big gulp. Later, after grooming Maggie and taking a nice warm Epson-salt bath for my aching back, and about ready to climb into bed, I decided to prepare my supplements for the next day. Rummaging through my dresser drawer, I discovered-to my horror-my prescription was nowhere in sight.

Filled with Apprehension, I called the nurse who searched my room, and the end result was while Maggie spent our first night in Tom’s room, (the supervisor for the class) I spent most of the night in the ER. The doctors didn’t know what would happen with my accidental overdose and called the Poison Control office. They told the ER docs to monitor me and to flush me out with saline solution. By the time I returned to the Seeing Eye and climbed into bed, Alexa said the time was 3:30am. The good news was, I never had any side effects from my shenanigans.

Next thing I knew, I heard a gentle rap on my door. “Hi, I’m sorry to bother you. I know you had a short night. I let you sleep as long as I could. The time is 5:45am. Maggie has been out, has done both, and is here with me ready for her breakfast. How are you?” Tom was concerned and compassionate.

“I’m good, and, my back doesn’t hurt anymore! Go figure!”

“You’ll tell us if you feel anything out of the ordinary?” Of course! The doctors said I could feel my heart racing, or trimmers, or massive sweating in the short term or any time up to two weeks from my episode. The school staff and other class instructors on my team were apprised of my adventure and throughout the day inquired of my status. I appreciated their confidentiality. I’m not sure how come I didn’t confide in any of the other students. I wasn’t one to make a big deal of what some would use to draw attention to themselves to get a “Oh poor thing” response. My attention was on Maggie, and she was my main concern, not me. I was proud of myself to go through the day on two hours of sleep with confidence and ease.

After Maggie’s and my walk on Thursday morning, both Nicole and I questioned the match. Was Maggie right for me? Was her pulling style too strong for me on a long-term basis? What about her desire to chase things that moved on the ground, I.E., squirls, rabbits, leaves? Could I live with that? I thought so. At least Maggie wasn’t chasing little dogs like Sarge!

By that afternoon, for whatever reason, Maggie and I were walking like pros. Both Nicole and I couldn’t figure out how come the sudden transformation. “You are smoother and in sync!” For me, the difference was that I had worn my Sketcher shoes instead of my Hoka running shoes. I decided to keep on wearing them even though they may have contributed to my curse, not my blessings. I should have kept them to the role of being my “house slippers”. They had zero tread and were useless as “out in the world” shoes.

Just before dinner, the nurse at the Seeing Eye, my PCP, and I had a telephone conference call. Per the Er’s instructions, I was to have a follow-up blood draw in three days, and another draw once I returned home. We needed my Doctor to write a prescription in order to authorize the lab test. He wouldn’t write one stating his license was for Colorado. The nurse and I couldn’t understand his position. Once I had returned home to my apartment, I learned that in fact, doctors could write out-of-town prescriptions. I was his patient and location shouldn’t have mattered. At the end of the day, the Seeing Eye nurse had to find a local doctor to prescribe the needed blood test. “Some people’s children!”

Friday’s two walks in town went well and I imagined Maggie and I walking together for years to come.

That afternoon, Nicole, Maggie, and I started practicing obedience work. This was important to get solid for this would be the only time where I’d have full control. All other times, Maggie would be in charge. We were a team. I knew that most of the time Maggie’s intelligent disobedience would keep me safe, and she would be right. However, there would be other rare occasions when I’d be right. Time and wisdom would help me know the difference. Maggie did well with everything; even rest where I held onto a long leash and circled her 360 degrees all the while saying “rest, rest”. The task Maggie had an aversion to was “down”-which I had experienced in the dining room two days before-however, I knew she would improve as months went by. … Later we began playing ball in our room with Maggie being on a flex-a-lead. We practiced throwing the ball and having Maggie “come” and then bringing me the ball and giving the ball to me saying “out”. How much fun Maggie and I had playing with that ball!

On Saturday morning at breakfast, I told Nicole that my right knee was bothering me. I shouldn’t have worn those stupid shoes; however, did I change them? No! What was I thinking! Nicole cut the rout short by three blocks to accommodate the beginnings of my knee pain. “Not to worry, your knee is just a little chink in your space suit.” I had to think about her comment for a while before I understood what she meant. My spirit was free even though my body hurt. I’m sure Maggie didn’t mind going home, for she hated those first two blocks on Maple street. She’d poke along like Vinnie used to do. However, once she was beyond those blocks, she worked like a champ speeding along as if we were walking in the sunshine for the thousandth time. I loved walking with Maggie and feeling my connection to her through the harness handle. I remember thinking that I wasn’t gripping the handle too loose, nor was I stepping on Maggie’s feet. Both, I had done with Sarge. Maybe a smaller dog made a bigger difference? At any rate, there’s nothing like that feeling of walking with a Seeing Eye dog! I imagine that flying must feel similar.

At 5:30am Sunday morning with intercom puppy songs blaring over the room speaker per usual, I placed my feet on the floor and felt immense pain from my right knee. I called the nurse and asked if she could find an instructor to take Maggie out. There was no way I could make the journey down the hall, descend the one flight of stairs, and out the door. Nicole agreed, and afterwards I gave Maggie her breakfast, dressed, and played more ball with her. By now, she had allowed me to feel her entire body, soft and silky from her head to her tail.

7am arrived, and so did Tom and Nicole. Tom said laughing, “You know what we do with people like you, don’t you? We take them out back and shoot them!” This was “Solo” day; however, not for me. They had me spend most of my day in my room with ice packs and ibuprofen; my new friends. Breakfast was brought to me-hot oatmeal with walnuts and apples! Lunch and dinner Nicole sighted guided me down to the dining room and she heeled Maggie. That night’s lecture was the “Going Home video” followed up by most of us hanging out in the common lounge chatting. I ate an “So Delicious” ice cream bar and had a nice time talking (like old times before the coronavirus) with staff and fellow students. As Nicole walked me back to my room afterwards, we both thought my knee would improve tomorrow and life would return to normal.

Monday morning arrived and I was still hobbling and hurting. While Maggie stayed with a staff member, the Seeing Eye nurse and I went to a local doctor for the follow-up blood draw to see if my thyroid numbers had come down. That doctor was wonderful giving me a complete physical and even took the time to look at my knee. The results would show later that my numbers were normal again!

I returned to school by 11am for the “Brushing teeth and cleaning ears” demonstrations. Maggie took (without fighting) the dental cloth and ear pads in stride. Similarly, two days before, Maggie had allowed me to feel her back while doing her business, clean up after her, and give her a probiotic. Taking care of Maggie was going to be easy.

After lunch I asked Nicole, “Do you and Tom know what you want to do with me?” In my head I wasn’t serious. I was just making conversation. I figured I’d get better and at worse, we’d need to change the flight arrangements to a later date. Since the training was almost on a one-to-one bases, I felt confident that everything would work out in the end.

“Yes, Tom and I would like to talk with you at 1 O’clock.” You always know the conversation is going to be serious when you hear the words, “We have to talk”. That’s never a good sign. While I waited for those long 20 minutes to pass, I sat on the floor and played with Maggie. She was cute lying between my legs and stretching her back legs against my thighs, rolling on her back or side and wrapping her little jaws around my wrists, standing and pushing her hard bone into my face, and running after the ball. As she quieted, I ran my hands over her soft long fur. She was beautiful with velvet fur on her nose, long ears, soft chest, little bitty feet, and long tail. I’d been longing for Maggie my whole life. My friend Nancy had had little cute golden girls for guides, and I wanted one too. Maggie was my dream come true and magnificent in every way!

Tom knocked on my door, “Hold on, I got to get off the floor.”

“Off the floor?”

“Yeah, I was playing with Maggie.” As I got to my feet, heeled her to the door, had her sit and rest, I opened the door saying, “I may not be able to walk but I can get on the floor and play with Maggie; which I know, makes no sense, right?”

“Let’s leave Maggie in her crate.”

As I zipped her in Maggie kept trying (per usual) to push her face through the crack. Placing my hands against her chest I told her, “Be good, I’ll be back.”

In Tom’s office, “You can sit here. Nicole’s here to. You know Gail, your knee isn’t getting any better. Nicole and I are afraid Maggie might hurt you. What if you got better and she pulled you chasing a squirl? I’m concerned about your safety. You should go home, take care of your knee and when you’re 100% well, come back.”

What did Tom just say? With lips quivering under my mask, throat and chest tightening, my tears began to well up and fall. This wasn’t happening to me! I’ve heard of matches not working out and the student had to leave for one reason or another; however, I never thought I’d be the one ever to leave! My heart started to break. In that five days, I had fallen in love. Just one week before, Nicole had asked me what my fantasy dog would look like, and I described Maggie to the T; except for the squirl and leaf thing. Now, I had to let her go. Life wasn’t fair! I had done everything possible to prepare for Maggie, and now, she was going to go with someone else!

As their words absorbed into my psyche, and reality began to set in, I began to sob out loud. “If possible, do you think I could get this same team again? I liked you and Nicole. Nicole, I loved your approach and wisdom to training dogs. I’ve never heard some of your ideas before now. I knew of course that dogs were beings and we were building a life-long relationship with them; however, I’ve never heard this philosophy spoken out loud.” Our dog’s psyche as well as their guiding had to be taken into account, for they had feelings too. Of course, Tom and Nicole couldn’t promise. Their next class would be in July and that’s when the college students trained. If things kept improving with the coronavirus, perhaps the school would be taking 15 students instead of ten; which was their current limit. “And, of course, we have to find the right dog for you.” For now, tom would tell Lorri to make flight arrangements for me to return home the following morning. “Do you want to see Maggie before she goes back to the kennel?”

“No,” I sobbed. “I just played ball with her. She’s happy. I want to remember her that way.” At the end of the day, I’d still have to say goodbye to her, I’d still have to cry, and I’d still have to hand the leash back to Nicole. “No, I’m okay. I’ll get over Maggie in time!”

“Okay, Nicole, how about you take Maggie and bring her over to Lori’s office to wait.” Whereas I felt with Sarge that he was taken away due to having SIDS, I felt like Maggie was a miscarriage.

Turning to Tom, “You know, I think by the time one lives one’s life, everything that could happen between the guide-dog team will happen. Gretel and Lorraine-both German Shepherds-died from tumors on their spleens; Kamber (golden) didn’t work out due to us just not being able to connect with one another; Vinnie (black lab) lost his passion; Sarge (1/2 golden and ½ yellow lab) got attacked by another dog; and Maggie, I got hurt! This is just so hard I think I’ve done every scenario now!!”

“You may have a point there Gail.” With his hand on my good knee, we waited for Nicole’s return.

In disbelief, Nicole guided me back to my room. “I’ll come by later to check on you.” As she closed the door, I couldn’t grasp the idea that I was going back to Denver so soon. Just five days, 100 hours, that’s all I had with Maggie. I didn’t know how one dog could have so much spunk and so much sparkle in one package. Crying, I started calling various folks in my support system. The afternoon slipped by with the nurse bringing me the paperwork they had on me regarding my thyroid and Tom arrived soon after with my flight information “And, I ordered you a wheelchair.”

“Wheelchair?”

“Yes, I don’t think you can walk that far!” Of course, he was right; however, I was in denial. In my head I was young, vibrant, and alive, and didn’t need a stupid wheelchair.

I made more phone calls including arrangements to be picked up at the airport, and began the hard task of gathering my stuff and putting my things into the two suitcases. I took the entire day hobbling, crying, talking, and packing.

Nicole came in to chat just before dinner time. I informed her that Tom had said while she was out of the room, that I was a reactive dog handler not an anticipative handler. Nicole didn’t know if that was true, “You should take his comment with a grain of salt. You’re a good dog handler.” I wondered how come he had come to that conclusion. He had seen me work six times with Maggie; one with my back hurting, one with my knees hurting, and the other four being more or less in good health. … “I’m so very sorry Gail!!! I’ll keep my eye out for the perfect dog for you. I feel bad that this happened to you after what happened with Sarge!” As we both tried to make sense of the situation, we hugged one another and cried in each other’s arms.

Later, packed and ready to go, I cried myself to sleep. “this just sucks! I climbed the Cydney Harbor bridge just one year ago, and now, I can’t walk a mile with a Seeing Eye dog without my knee hurting!” The other side of me retorted, “Well that was then, and now is now.” If these walls could talk, I imagined them telling tales of love and loss, promise and pain, and hopes and joys. Maggie’s story would just be one more story to add to their collection.

The next morning, Nicole came to my room to say goodbye and to see if I had left anything behind. I explained that (like with Sarge) that I didn’t have anything to remember Maggie by. “Sighted folks can see pictures but that doesn’t help me. Is there any way I can have Maggie’s ball?” Nicole said she didn’t see why not, and she slipped the ball into my suitcase.

At breakfast, one by one, the team came over and hugged me. “You can do this, you’ll be back, you’re strong!” Even the dining room staff gave me their condolences and encouraging best wishes. I was impressed of how supportive and understanding they were.

Next thing I knew, I was riding with an instructor back to the airport. “You know, I saw Maggie yesterday playing in the kennel’s yard. She was rough-housing with her brother Mackey, and she was smashing him against the wall in excitement.”

Hmm, I guess Maggie was over me! Tom’s voice rang through my mind, “Maggie will be okay, Gail. Dogs are resilient.” His and Nicole’s words plus my dreams have given me courage to move forward.

During the past three weeks, I’ve had several dreams regarding Maggie. The first, I went into a room to have a piano lesson with Miss T-former voice teacher in graduate school who never taught piano. I didn’t want the lesson. I wanted to go out to dinner with Nicole and Maggie and eat sushi; which being vegan, is odd. I told Nicole we could work Maggie to the restaurant, have dinner, and then return. I could always have a lesson later. Then, I gave Maggie’s leash to Nicole and asked her to hold Maggie for a minute while I found a bathroom. I told Maggie I’d be back, picked up my cane off the hook on the back of the door and left. … So representative of what happened. I wonder what the lesson was, and how come I wasn’t ready to learn the teachings now?

The next dream a trainer from the Seeing Eye was driving me and Maggie from School to my home. I walked to the front door ready to go and noticed I was using my cane. Stunned, I remembered I’d left Maggie in the bathroom. I caned my way to her. There Maggie laid on the floor good as gold waiting for me. I went to her, picked up her leash and heeled her out. No matter what, Maggie was quiet and accepting. “If I lie in the corner, I’m good. If I go with you, I’m good too. All is well.” Was Maggie saying she was fine and I’m to move on to my next trainer?

Besides my dreams, I’ve found solace in writing her story and saying goodbye to her.

Dear Maggie,

I appreciate our short time together. I appreciate your strong will, stubbornness, playful, spirit. I think you would have liked playing tug of war and having a soft toy to lug around. I appreciated you lying at my feet when I sent emails and after our play time together. You had cute little whimpers when left in your crate and you wanted out for dinner. You were cute when scratching excitedly the door when you heard the sound of your dishes being clinked together. You were so cute when going up the stairs after park time. You’d get to the steps, stop, put your front paws on the first step, turn your head to the right and wag your tail. I could almost see a smile on your face and hear you say, “Come on Gail, hurry up and find the step! Let’s go home! I want to play!”

I regret we didn’t have more time together. I regret my knees hurting. I regret I won’t be able to spend the next ten years of my life with you. I regret this happened. Changing owners is not fair to you, and being injured and with you for such a short time wasn’t fair to me.

I hope you will be happy and work well with your next person. I hope you bring them joy and exquisite guiding. In your dreams, I hope you catch all the squirls you want. For me, I hope my knee returns to 100% and I hope I get a dog that is even more fabulous than you, if possible. You were perfect in every way. My heart is so sad we won’t be together.

• I’m not sure of God’s plan for how come this happened at this point in my life.
• What spiritual (much less physical) role did Maggie and Nicole play?
• Why falling to my knees?
• Was I merely needing to take care of them on a physical level?
• Was I to except that no matter what, everything is in Divine order?

My time in New Jersey and meeting Maggie had a reason. Time will give me insight to the purpose. Maggie, I wish you everything good! Happy guiding! Happy playing! Happy putting your bone in someone else’s face! Happy, happy life to you! May you be well!

To Seeing Eye dog seven, unless my knee prevents me from ever working with a dog again, I’m going to go out in the world, play in the traffic, learn my way around this city, and be prepared for you. We will travel to speaking gigs! We will be a team! We will be phenomenal! You will be Splendid Dog Seven!

… Each of my Seeing Eye dogs-Gretel, Lorraine, Kamber, Vinnie, Sarge, and now Maggie-have a special place in my heart. I have memorabilia sitting on my dresser (including Maggie’s ball) and photos of each of them on the wall. Below the photos, I have a Seeing Eye collar stretched out end to end with dog-bone-shaped tags hanging from the links. One tag for each of my dog/spirit guides.

Though many words describe Maggie: Miraculous, Soft, strong, Perfect, and Spirited, her tag will read:

Four Paws of

Spunk and Sparkle

Five Days of Love.