When I was in psychotherapy twenty years ago, my therapist would often say to me, “It’s not your mat.” I know this sounds a little odd, let me explain what she meant and what I’ve found to be useful ever since.

During therapy sessions I’d bring up issues I was having with other people. After a few minutes chatting and explaining my dilemma, my therapist would ask me to sit on the floor. She’d then put mats (or large pillows) out in front of me to represent these people. To understand their perspective, she’d have me move from sitting on my mat to the other person’s mat. Once there, I’d talk as if I were that person. When finished, I’d move back to my own mat. Often, I’d have to move back and forth between mats multiple times before I could understand both sides of the problem.

Sometimes, I’d want to “fix” the other person. You know, when you want to change someone else? During these not-so-subtle moments, my therapist would take my mat and partially or completely cover the other person’s mat. “It’s not your mat! Their problem is their problem, not yours. You need to take your mat off of them.”

Doing so, I had to acknowledge that it was a challenge to let the other person live their own lives especially when I had the answer. If they would leave their spouse, tell their children no, quit that job, join a church, exercise, eat healthy, go to therapy, and listen to me, that would “fix them, right?

Wrong. It’s important to remember that I/you don’t have the answers to their problems. They have to figure things out for themselves in their own timing.

The trick is in the timing of when to listen and when to offer advice. Always listen, and never give advice or your opinions except when asked. This is easier said than done and needs your constant diligence.

I spent 40 years teaching piano and the teacher in me still wants to fix and tell someone else what to do. I constantly remind myself to sit back, listen, and let them play their own tune their own way. Their song and how they play it is their business, not mine. My job is to give them space to express themselves and their feelings. When they ask how to make adjustments/improve, then, and only then, do I give my “two cents.”

I’m the first to admit that I’m not perfect and am a work in progress. I find that keeping my mat to myself and off of others’ mats is a constant challenge. When I push my Self, my wants, my dreams, and my needs onto others, that’s when I get my Self into trouble and is not okay.

The next time you are worrying about another person or situation, I challenge you to see life from their perspective. Perhaps you could try “mat therapy.” Instead of mats you can use either large pillows or two or more chairs. Pick out a situation or person you are having a conflict with. Move from one to another to see both sides of the situation. Keep doing this until you feel at peace.

Remember, to soar into one’s greatness, you must remind yourself that “It’s not your mat.”