When I was a child, neighborhood kids used to call one another names. When this happened, one of us would say to the other, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me!” And, as I remember, the retort would be, “I’m rubber and you’re glue, and everything you say bounces off of me and sticks to you.”     

I say now as an adult, sticks, and stones do, and can, break one’s bones, and, words do, and can, destroy one’s spirit.    

When I was studying for my Master’s degree in Humanistic Psychology and Counseling many moons ago, I learned that the client could never cause harm to oneself or another. At that time, I thought this was physical harm. However, as time progressed, I think this goes for psychological harm as well.   

Yes, we have the freedom of speech; yet, when that speech belittles another, is spoken out of hate, puts one person above the other, and separates us from one another, then, we need to keep our mouths zipped. That’s similar to, we have the right to carry a gun-we can even shoot that gun-yet, but when that bullet causes bodily harm to another person, we lose that right.  

As I think sticks and stones are best left on the ground, words that are molded out of hate should never reach another’s ears. i.e., I have the right to write anything I want in my journal, and yet, I do not have the right to take my words out into the world and purposely cause harm to another.   

When I wrote my memoir, Soaring into Greatness: A Blind Woman’s Vision to Live her Dreams and Fly, I spoke of my tornadic childhood brought up by parents who drank, and who emotionally and sexually abused me. My intent was not to cause harm to my family. I intended to speak my truth, to shed light on this topic, and to let others know they weren’t alone. I never shared this book with my father, and the reason was, that I didn’t want to cause unnecessary harm to him at ninety years of age. I couldn’t change the past. I wanted and needed to forgive him for my healing.   

I bring this up because we all need to take responsibility for our emotions, hate, anger, abuse, and pain. Hurting another physically or emotionally is not the answer. Sticks, stones, guns, violence, and hateful speech don’t serve the one giving or receiving. This behavior only begets more of the same, and quite frankly, the time is now to let all this resentment go.  

During this time of Hanukkah and Christmas, of choosing light over darkness, of renewal and rebirthing-when people, our country, and even the world seem to be split on so many levels-we must not give our power away to the negative, blame, to taking sides, and to who’s right and who’s wrong. The challenge is to be an adult, to let go of any emotional sticks and stones that hurt ourselves or others, and to speak words of love, peace, hope, and joy. So, as we look inward towards the light, of allowing that light to shine through us, and as we shine our light outward to all we meet and greet, may we rise above the human’s world problems and focus on the spiritual gifts of goodness and kindness. In this way, we’ll connect, realize we’re all one, and we’ll change the way we see, and we’ll change the way we live.