When I practiced psychotherapy twenty years ago, many clients would come to me confused about the differences between being selfish and taking care and loving themselves. They thought loving themselves meant they were selfish.    

I had to explain to them selfishness comes from the ego and is self-centered. Selfish people only think about themselves to the extent that they exclude others from their awareness; almost to the point of being narcissistic.   

On the other hand, Self-love comes from the heart and is taking care of one’s Self/being, body, spirit, and emotions to be there for themselves and/or for others.   

I used to tell them, “I’ll let you know when you become too selfish.” Most of the time, they had nothing to worry about. My main job was to teach them how to provide this Self-love to themselves.  

Many times, their role model for learning how to take care of their bodies, minds, spirits, or emotions was absent or they had taken care of others during their lives so much they didn’t have the slightest idea as to how to stop and take care of themselves. Sometimes, they’d tell themselves they were “Busy busy busy.” They went blindly along until life threw them a curve ball like a divorce, illness, death, or even the holidays. During these times, taking care of themselves was out of the question much less having the capacity to take care of others.  

I bring this up because this is the week of Christmas. This is a time of great stress for lots of people. You want the holidays to be perfect! You have so much on your plate; that busy busy busy thing. There isn’t enough time in the day to eat much less get everything done. You may find you have a short fuse, you may get angry at those you love, and/or you may get ill because the stress just has to come out somewhere. Am I right?  

How about we change this dynamic!  

Stop! … Stop! … Stop! … I mean it! … Stop for just five minutes! … Sit down! … Put your feet up! … Close your eyes. … Breathe. … You have nowhere to go and nowhere to be. … Breathe. … Inhale deep through your nose and sigh slowly out through your mouth. … Good! … Do it again. … Inhale through your nose and sigh slowly out through your mouth. … Good. … Relax. … The world will still be here when you return. … Now is for you. … Let go! … No worries! … No having to rush and finish your to-do lists! … No obligations! … Just you!   

I challenge you to let go. Love yourself enough to spend five minutes a day doing nothing. To sit in the silence and do nothing except breathe. Take five minutes to restore, rejuvenate, relax, and revitalize. In this small way of loving your Self-your mind, your body, your emotions, and your spirit will change the way you see and you’ll change the way you live.