A couple of weeks ago, after church, a friend of mine, asked, “How are you?” This should have been a simple question, right? 

No, it wasn’t. There were three ways I could have responded to this inquiry.  

#1. I’m Fine. With casual folks, this is the most common response. This is noncommittal and often avoids the question. This response doesn’t tell the other person anything about how we are. Perhaps, that’s what we want; however, it’s not authentic or engaging.   

#2. I’m blessed. This keeps our focus on the positive, good, and things we are grateful for in our lives. I’m blessed, could open the door to more possibilities of a deeper discussion on both the person who is asking the question and the other person who is answering. However, I’m blessed still doesn’t answer the question for you can be both blessed and depressed at the same time.  

#3. I’m feeling. … Sad. Glad. Frustrated. Fabulous. Angry. Depressed. Alone. Overwhelmed. Ecstatic. This response requires us to speak our truth. We have to be willing to be open and vulnerable with others. This can be scary and most of us are too afraid to do so. It’s not in our nature. 

How come? 

We don’t know what will happen. 

Do we want to please the other person? 

We don’t want other people to know our business. 

We don’t have time to go into details. 

We believe people only want the headline news so, we don’t provide them with the full essay. 

Whatever the reason, aren’t we cheating them and ourselves out of meaningful conversations and communications? 

We, all of us, need to face the elephant in the room in order to have fulfilling relationships with one another. If we always skirt around issues, aren’t we blindly going along without any tools to guide us forward? 

So, how did I answer the question, “How are you?”   

First, this was a dear friend and I’ve never been good at lying. Second, I always try to speak my truth no matter what.  

Bursting into tears I replied, “I’m not doing very well.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, would you like to go out for lunch?” Nodding, I picked up the harness handle, and my Seeing Eye dog and I walked out to her car. Over the course of the afternoon-eating lunch, watching both our dogs play, and trying my hand at Jenga-we chatted about my older brother having HPV cancer, his treatments, and how I wish I could help him in some way. She quietly listened. … Topics moved on to her family, my speaking career, needing referrals … her career, health, getting older, my singing voice, passion, and how to serve others.  

Because I was willing to be vulnerable, to open my heart, and to allow her into my world, by the end of the afternoon I felt lighter and connected. I wasn’t facing the world alone. My issues weren’t resolved; however, I did end up feeling blessed by our friendship and companionship. 

I challenge you to say something different than fine, or even I’m blessed the next time someone asks you how you are. I challenge you to speak your truth. I challenge you to open yourself up and be vulnerable! I challenge you to give your heart to others. In this way, you will change the way you see and change the way you live.